She was telling him about a conflict at work, something that had been weighing on her for days. She described the colleague who had undermined her, the meeting where she had felt small, the frustration of not being heard. He listened, or seemed to. He nodded in the right places. When she paused, he said, "You should just talk to your boss. Lay out the facts and ask for a meeting. I had a similar situation last year, and that is what I did."

She felt the familiar deflation. He had heard the problem and offered a solution. But she had not asked for a solution. She had asked to be heard. She wanted him to understand the knot of anxiety in her chest, the self doubt that had crept in, the exhaustion of navigating a workplace dynamic that felt personal. She wanted him to say, "That sounds so hard. Tell me more." Instead, he had solved her like a puzzle and moved on. He was not unkind. He was not dismissive. He was simply listening with the wrong part of his mind.