She noticed him from across the room at a friend's party. He was not the loudest person there, but he had a presence that drew attention without demanding it. He spoke with ease. He listened with focus. When someone disagreed with him, he did not bristle or argue. He asked a question. When he did not know something, he said so without embarrassment. She found herself wanting to be near him, not because he was performing, but because he was simply, solidly himself.

A few weeks later, she went on a date with a different man. He was also noticeable, but in a different way. He dominated the conversation. He name dropped. He made sure she knew about his accomplishments, his connections, his plans. When she offered a different opinion, he corrected her. When she mentioned her own achievements, he seemed to barely register them before turning the conversation back to himself. She left the date exhausted. Both men appeared confident. But only one of them was.